I don’t know why, but it feels like it’s been months since I’ve written in this blog. I know I posted about breaking my glasses and how disappointed I was not being able to attend the Atlanta Writers Club meeting. I don’t always have a Saturday off of work, but this month I had all Saturdays off, except this past Saturday. Getting a Saturday off that isn’t requested is rare. At my work, they kind of frown upon it, especially with all the major holidays around the corner. If that’s not bad enough, I found out that my car is in need of some repairs. I can still drive it, but some of the repairs need to be done as soon as possible.
It would seem that the powers-that-be don’t want me to attend a writing meeting. But I think if it wasn’t the glasses or the car repairs, I would hold myself back. I guess I don’t have enough confidence in myself and my abilities to let people know I’m a writer. I feel like I missed out on so much because I wasn’t writing on a regular basis. That’s probably why I haven’t posted any short stories on my blog the past few months. That’s why I haven’t started posting my “Cell Games” stories. I suppose I’m waiting for the right moment, but there’s no moment like the present, as they say. I’ve written a couple of drafts and second drafts. I’m currently working on the “Story One” draft. But that’s all I have: drafts. And all of them are handwritten. I haven’t the courage to type out a story and email someone to have him read it and let me know what he thinks; what’s good, what works, what doesn’t, and so on.
I have this complex where I have to have control over everything; that I have to do things to receive other people’s approval. It is exhausting and frustrating. I can’t control what other people think. That’s impossible. And yet, I keep on trying to please other people, and in turn, make myself feel good. Yet I know I can’t please everybody. I’m going to piss somebody off in my lifetime. I already have.
Anyway, back to my check-in. There isn’t much to report. As I mentioned before, I’m working on “Story One” of “The Cell Games.” I need to type out these drafts and send them out so people can read them. The thing about typing out drafts with me is that I have this tendency to edit while drafting. If I want to type something, it has to be the be all and end all. No going back. But that’s probably why my writing has suffered and why I haven’t written much over the years. That needs to change. It will take time to rid myself of that mindset, but I will.
As for the rest of my goals, I’ve added books to my to-read list. I found a book I read years ago for a class. Now I’m reading for entertainment value and maybe pick up techniques on writing with accents and broken English. Getting into the habit of writing every day is becoming more of a chore than anything else. I “write” in my One Day app on my phone, even if it’s a sentence or two, which is funny since I just mentioned that I don’t type out drafts or journal entries. As for writing groups, I have two: the Atlanta Writers Club, which I’ve know for a while. I was all ready to attend my first meeting, but couldn’t because of the glasses. The second, Ten-Minute Novelists, an online group. Sometimes, I don’t consider it a writing group, but am promptly reminded. So you could say I accomplished that goal.
So, that is all for now. By the way, I should mention that I am making some changes to this blog in the immediate future. Most of them are subtle, like changing my “About” and “Home” pages. Now that I’ve had this blog for over six months, it’s about time I change some things. The blog itself might get a new theme. I’m still playing with those. In the meantime, take care and keep on writing.