As I was going through my notifications, I clicked on a person who liked my latest post and skimmed her blog. This one post really stood out. She wrote about her photography. She mentioned that she wanted to get back to posting pictures of subjects she forgotten about. Lately, I’ve been thinking about this blog and the content I’ve posted in the past few months. I’ve shared some insight about my home life and what inspired and riled me up. But, I feel like I haven’t written enough about writing, which is why I started this blog in the first place. Yes, I shared a little bit about the writing funk I was in for about a month. And I do monthly check-ins on my writing journey. But I still feel I’m not fulfilling promises I made to my audience: to write about the writing process and share my stories. The “sharing stories” bit is what really stands out.
I remember my very first post where I listed goals I wanted to accomplish this first year. One of those goals was to write and post five short stories. I did meet that goal and checked it off like it was no big deal. I mean, I wrote them because that’s what I do: I’m a writer, so I should write. Right? So yes, I wrote my five short stories and posted them on my blog, but then, nothing. I haven’t posted any new stories since. I announced my “Cell Games” series back in the summer, but I’ve got nothing to show for it. I haven’t posted any of those stories like I promised.
I attribute my lack of stories on my blog to a lack of confidence. It’s not as if I haven’t written anything at all. I have drafts of stories I want to share, but that’s all I have: drafts. They are tucked away in a draft book that is coming apart because I flipped through them for months. I feel they’re not ready for me to put on my blog. I could say that the stories would be too long for a post, or that I’m waiting for the right moment so I post them all at once, or whatever excuse I could run off. The truth is that I could post a story any time I wish. I could put them on a PDF file like other bloggers do and insert hyperlinks in my posts. The bottom line is that I lack the confidence to post them. Whether it’s fear of rejection, or success, I feel frozen.
A blogger I follow, Jennifer Ray, shared in her blog about needing a break from a story she was writing in the hopes that it would stir her creativity. I can relate to her experience. There are numerous occasions where I felt like I needed a break from writing a story. Whether it was because I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere, or because I felt myself getting bored with it. I think that is the case with my “Cell Games” series. I wrote two stories, but feel like they’re stale. Perhaps it’s because I talked about them so much but did nothing about it. Months passed and when I finally worked the nerve to type my stories, and not just tuck them away in my draft book, I felt disinterested. Nothing was really motivating me to finish these stories, which is another issue altogether.
So, what am I to do about this lack of stories? I could brush it off, but then I feel like I’m doing my audience a disservice. I said in my Mission Statement that I wanted to share stories I wrote. And bygone, that is what I’m going to do. I recently overcame my fear of typing out my drafts and I have someone who’s willing to read and critique my work, so I can’t use those excuses anymore. I have followers on Twitter and members of a Facebook writing group willing to read my stories, too. And there’s a local writing group I want to join. (The scheduling hasn’t worked out yet, but I have hope.) So, the tools are there. The people are there. All that’s left to do is sit down in a chair, or couch, and write. Hmmm. Maybe I should have signed up for NaNoWriMo after all.